I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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