I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
