Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
