I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
