I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
