she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
