Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think my tv is drunk
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
