I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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