they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
