Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
