oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
