What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
