you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
