I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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