So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
