and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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