Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
