butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
