the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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