Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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