my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Even my vagina gasped.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
