You can't special order awesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
