the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
