you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i am craving dick and cupcakes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
