She said her name was "party"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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