just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
