dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My life is pants optional.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
