i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
