Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
