I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
