too bad you live with your parents still
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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