i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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