As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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