I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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