thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
