Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
