I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
