It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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