Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
