I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
