Will you blow on my dice?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
