If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
