We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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