This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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