do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
