Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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