I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
