Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
