you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
