I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
