i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
